12.6.12

Masa Lalu

If you've known me for a while, you might get familiar with my saying "masa lalu ku kelam"
Because I say it often enough for it not to be sad, but just plain annoying, and silly. Because I won't tell you why it is kelam (kelam is dark, and masa lalu is past. so masa lalu ku kelam means : my dark past). I would just go on and on and on and on about how dark it is. And how stupid I was to do the things I did. 
Like, how one day, I just sat in my room, and think "Oh, dear god, WHY?" 
Why did I do what I do. Why did I do it that way. Why oh my why. 

Why did I have an affair with bapak mega :)))))) 
*this is an inside joke, you won't get it. 

The fact is, I do have those regrets, and I still questioning my motives and reasons for doing the shit I did. 
But by turning it to something funny and silly and just plain stupid is reducing the fact that those decisions I made, those things I did, they were heartbreaking mistakes. 
By turning it into a running gag reduced its ability to saddened me. 

and the fact that one time, a friend actually blurted out his dark past because he was so eff up of me saying "god, what a dark past I've got" also helps. Not because his dark past was so dark that compares to that my past has nothing to stand on. But because it was a bizarre moment, and a bizarre story, and he was such a lovely man. 

So what I am trying to say here, have a laugh. Try turning every shit to a joke. life would seems a lot better then.

Well, since thinking about my past gets me a bit sad, here is a reminder of that day, January 7 2011. When I actually went to an Interpol concert. Yes, I have seen them live. 


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