On Love, and other matters

I had a discussion with some friends this evening. It was ... tiring.

I don't know if you know or not, but I am working for an organization that works in promoting sexual health rights for men-who-have-sex-with-men and transgender.

I also happen to live in Indonesia.

Before I work here, all the discussion and debates on lgbt rights were already tiring and eye roll inducing. Now it's just, ... depressing.

It's like, I don't know what else to say to them. I don't know how else can I explain that being gay is not contagious. You can not catch the "gay virus" by being surrounded by gay people. I don't know how hard to roll my eyes when they say, "Yeah, but if more people see it as "normal" than more people would be gay. You know, some guys might think 'oh shit, I can't get girls, might as well turn gay'"

Don't even bring transgender into the conversation. All I can do to prevent myself from banging my head to the table is just deep breaths and repeat to myself "They can change, just feed some logic and sanity to them. They might change."

Oh well, one conversation at a time, I guess.

Now that we finished talking about other matters, let's get into the main topic: Love.

Do you know how long since there's anything happen in the romantic side of my life? 13 months. Yup, 13 freakin' months. My god.

There were some things happening from tinder, but gosh, let's not talk about it. It was depressing.

The big thing that happened to me in the past few months was: develop a massive crush on a guy that do not, will not, can not, reciprocate the feeling. This always happens.

and I don't even want love or relationship. All I want is someone I can text to in the middle of the night, to simply say "I actually don't mind being John Watson, at least I get to write all those cool stories. And get rich from the book money. plus I'd be a doctor. I mean like, hellooooo...."

All I want is someone who understand my rambles, and who could sit still long enough to hear me talking about stupid things. All I want is someone to give small short sweet cheek kisses. All I want is someone to drive the car while we listen to music and talk about everything to anything. All I want is someone who is smart enough to hold a discussion on books, movies, music, and celebrity gossips. All I want is someone who is sane, and logical, and have ear to ear smile that is always genuine and not that fake stupid smile you throw as an act of passive aggressive-ness.

Is that too much to ask, dear universe? You managed to get me one, many moons ago. Of course you can do it again, right?

I'm waiting.

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