19.10.16

It Aches

Hey there.

Remember early this year? When I said I'm gonna try to have a relationship this year? Remember when I said I want a boyfriend this year? Remember that? Yeah, it's not gonna happen. Not this year, or anytime soon. This is due to something I just found out about myself.

Also, I met a guy. I really like him. I am coming to a realisation that it's not gonna go anywhere tho. Partly because of that discovery about myself.

I don't know how much of this ache is him, and how much of it is just the realisation of how life is different now. How this is gonna be another reason for people to reject me. How long is the list these days? Too tall, too fat, too weird, too clingy, to distant, too easy, too educated, too progressive, too loud, too independent, too harsh. And now this.

I just can't believe how much it aches. How many deep breaths I've taken in the last 16 hours. How many times I've cried. How many times I've told myself "We're okay, we're gonna be okay."


It aches.
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It aches.

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